Hi everyone! I hope everything is going well with you all. I feel as if I need to tell you what it was like trying to adjust to a life changing surgery. It wasn’t easy, but maybe it will help someone who may be going through the same situation. I promise I won’t be Miss Debbie Downer for too long!
The first 6 weeks I was home from the hospital, I had a home health nurse come by once a week. She answered a lot of questions I had come up with while trying to get used to my new life. By the end of the 6 weeks, I felt a little anxious that I would no longer have someone to give me advice on taking care of my stoma. Click here for more information on stomas.
During my time of healing, I slept on the recliner because I couldn’t sleep well flat on my back. It was during this time that a little bit of anxiety and depression starting creeping up on me. I wasn’t confident that I could take care of this colostomy by myself and that in turn was giving me a lot of anxiety. Also, during my stay in the hospital I had lost 10 lbs due to the NPO they had me on. Nothing to eat or drink for 8 days took it’s toll on my body! I would look in the mirror and just stare at the skin just hanging off my body – my legs, my arms and my neck. I had lost a lot of muscle and elasticity in my skin.
I felt as if I wasn’t the same person I was before – I was a totally different person who had this foreign object stuck on her and I was babysitting it for a while. It would leave someday..that’s when the depression starting kicking in. You see, my doctor told me that I would have this new body and feel like a whole new, better person after this surgery. Truth was, I wasn’t feeling that at all, after all I still have some of the Crohn’s Disease left in me. In my small intestine there was 12 cm of Crohn’s left because if they would have taken it out, that meant I would forever be on IV nutrients for the rest of my life..they wanted to spare me that as long as they could…(hence my upcoming surgery) So now I felt like I had been jipped – I had this colostomy to take care of plus I had my CD still active and having to take care of that also. I just gained another problem.
My first outing was at a winery. It was the first time my husband and I got to do something together after the surgery. All went well for a while but then I went to the bathroom and I had sprung a leak everywhere! I immediately came out the bathroom and told my husband we needed to go. Likely, we were leaving! We also went to my daughter’s band concert one night at school. Of course, when everything got quiet, my stoma passed gas really loud! It scared me and I threw my program straight up in the air! Both my husband and I were so embarrassed, but it was funny to see him embarrassed! This thing can go off at any second without warning! I’ve learned to live with it – that doesn’t bother me anymore. Oopsy, I’ve made a poopsy!
Likely my anxiety and depression wasn’t severe and left when I got more comfortable with my body and the noises it makes. I now have very little accidents and I feel more confident in taking care of my colostomy. For my first anniversary of my surgery, I took a bath. I had heard that you can even go swimming with a colostomy bag so I wanted to take a giant leap and start with taking a bath first. Everything went well and no problems with the bag. Since then I have even been swimming in the ocean with no mishaps! I
I just want to let you know that even though you may feel as if there is no end to your problem(s) (I’m still battling Crohn’s Disease) day after day they get better and better. I was in a dark place during those days and what got me through is a lot of prayers. When I believed I couldn’t talk to anyone because I thought they wouldn’t understand, I talked to the Lord, he was always there to listen. I even started journalizing my feelings on a daily basis. That helped a lot also. I believe going through what I went through 4 years ago has made me a better and stronger person today. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone but just remember to take one day at a time and in the long run, things will get better. If you know anyone that is going through something similar, please share my post with them. It may help them to know someone else has gone through the same and survived!
Chow for Now!